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CHIKARA Presents: Two Eyebrows are Better than One
By Garoon and Berman | April 28, 2008
Pre-Season Action!
January 27, 2008 - Hellertown, Pennsylvania
Introduction
Garoon: Mike Quackenbush, Leonard Chikarason, Louden Noxious, UltraMantis Black, Larry Sweeney, Bryce Remsburg and Eddie Kingston rotate as commentators throughout the show. I hate this system, which is also employed by IWA Mid South.
UltraMantis Black kicks the show off by saying that he and Crossbones will eat Cheech and Cloudy like so many saltine crackers. He says 2008 will be the year of the Order of the Neo Solar Temple.
Berman: UltraMantis Black’s prematch promo is par for the course for him. If you like the character you’ll like it, if you think he’s a goof, you won’t. The oblique reference to Cheech & Cloudy being stoners is chuckle-worthy, but nothing else of note is really said.
UltraMantis Black & Crossbones VS. Cheech & Cloudy
Garoon: Cheech and Black start. They fight over a wristlock. Cheech gets a roll up for 2. Crossbones chops Black by mistake a couple of times. Cheech forces Crossbones to chop Black. He hits an armdrag on Black. Cloudy and Crossbones tag into the match. Cloudy circles Crossbones, tiring the fat man out enough for Cloudy to get a crucifix pin for 2. Crossbones hits an armdrag. Cloudy gets a roll up for 2. Crossbones blocks a crossbody and hits a bodyslam. He hits an elbowdrop. He hits a gutbuster. Black hits a dropkick to the face, getting 2 for Crossbones. Black tags in and hits a vertical suplex for 2. He puts on a surfboard stretch. Crossbones tags in and kicks Cloudy’s back. He puts on a chinlock. He hits an exploder. He hits a side slam for 2. Black tags in and hits a headbutt. He hits an elbowdrop. He hits a neckbreaker. Cloudy comes back with the Ace Crusher. Cheech tags in and hits a Manhattan drop. He hits an atomic drop and a clothesline. He can’t do the same to Crossbones so he kicks his butt and hits a clothesline. He jumps off Crossbones’s back to hit a head scissors takedown on Black. Cloudy follows Black to the floor with a dive. He and Cheech double-team Crossbones. Cloudy dropkicks Crossbones into a sunset flip from Cheech for 2. Black and Crossbones hit the Superdrol for 2. Cheech and Cloudy hit a clothesline/STO combo on Black for 2. Black hits Cloudy with the Praying Mantis Bomb for the win at 10:29. Nobody was selling and the offense on Crossbones was very loose. The crowd enjoyed it so I suppose it served its purpose as the opener but for my part it disappointed given what I’d heard about Cheech and Cloudy’s improvement.
Rating: *¾
Berman: 666 bars of uranium as the ONST combined weight is just one of those strange CHIKARA quirks that makes me shake my head. I will say that “It Takes Two” is a fantastic entrance theme for the former Special K kids. “Lightning” Mike Quackenbush is on commentary to start with Leonard F. Chikarason, definitely good news considering some of the alternatives. Cheech getting Crossbones to continually slap UMB by mistake is a pretty nice spot early on. I just noticed that CHIKARA has a normal height ring now, instead of the old short one they used to use in Hellertown. Good speed and agility from Crossbones, but Cloudy is clearly the superior wrestler in my eyes. The Order slowly wears down Cloudy (emphasis on slowly). Crossbones actually works notably faster and more convincingly than UMB does. UMB mocking Cloudy while he crawls towards the corner is a page right out of Kevin Steen’s book, though Steen is obviously better in the role. Cheech gets in a couple of atomic drops on UMB but can’t do the same to Crossbones. A lariat works instead, though. Cheech does a headscissors takedown on UMB after springing off of Crossbones’ back, though the whole thing was probably better in theory than in execution. Party Cloudy with a Chance of Cheech hits, but the big man is too big for a powerbomb doubleteam. The technicos get a dropkick into a sunset flip instead, but it only gets two. Nice 3D-style gutbuster by the rudos, but a modified assisted STO into a rollup gets a two on UMB. Cloudy and UMB trade reversals, but Cloudy falls victim to the Tiger Driver ’98 for the pin. I think that’s kind of an overkill finisher for a lower card guy, but it’s certainly convincing as a match finisher. Cheech & Cloudy are normally pretty entertaining, and this was no exception. Crossbones looked pretty good, too.
Rating: **
Louden Noxious Arrives
Garoon: The Kaiju Big Battel announcer takes over announcing duties. He’s bringing us an inter-species match, courtesy of KBB. For those who don’t know KBB is equal parts wrestling, Godzilla movies and giant Power Ranger scenes.
Berman: The announcer from Kaiju Big Battel is here to do the introductions. He looks kind of like he belongs on a Saturday morning cartoon in the 80s. This match is billed as an Interspecies Three Way Dance.
Moravian Greyhound VS. Zombie Plantain VS. Hydra
Garoon: Greyhound and Plantain are the KBB representatives. Greyhound is a dude in a dog costume. Zombie Plantain is a giant undead plantain who wears jeans. Hydra comes out to Amy Winehouse, having just gotten out of rehab himself. Judging by his muscle suit his stint in rehab went about as well as Winehouse’s. Hydra and Greyhound start. Greyhound sniffs Hydra’s butt. He hits a shoulder tackle. Hydra regains control by petting Greyhound. He stomps on his tail. Greyhound chases him up the turnbuckle. Hydra throws a treat to send Greyhound to the floor. Greyhound finds a fake skull under the ring. Apparently that’s not what Hydra wanted so he slaps Greyhound with his t-shirt. Greyhound hits a chop block for 2. He hits a clothesline for 2. Plantain tags in and gets stuck in a stemlock. Greyhound hits a shoulder tackle. Plantain hits a hiptoss. Black comes out to ringside. Hydra tags in and hits a forearm. Greyhound hits a JYD headbutt. Hydra comes off the second rope with an axe handle. Black convinces Plantain to help Hydra hit a chokeslam. Plantain pins Greyhound but Hydra puts his foot on top of Plantain for the win at 5:20. Talking about how the finish doesn’t actually work would be silly. I was most impressed with Greyhound’s ability to keep his giant head on. None of the rest of this “comedy” match struck me as funny.
Rating: ¼*
Berman: The Moravian Greyhound is actually the mascot from Moravian College, the originally planned location for this show. He is heavily booed for whatever reason. Zombie Plantain is a guy in a plantain costume who slowly walks around as if he were a zombie. I can’t make this stuff up. The mustache drawn onto the costume is just an absurd level of detail. It would also seem as if ZP is a Kaiju regular. Hydra is the only CHIKARA regular and gets a big time response as such. The fact that his pre-match shtick is amongst the most over parts of the promotion says a lot about CHIKARA. ZP wisely stays on the apron to start while the MG bites Hydra’s backside. Sort of. Hydra pets the Greyhound before stomping on his tail. Hydra fakes out MG with a doggie treat, though the Greyhound finding a bone (in this case a human skull) under the ring is as reasonable a result to that sequence as anything. Hydra beats on the MG as ZP continues to stand on the apron. Hydra tags out to ZP who slooooooowly climbs into the ring. He and the Greyhound go into a sloooooow leapfrog sequence, but UMB comes out while Plantain tries to take a bite out of the MG. Hydra tags back inand takes over, though the Greyhound reverses and hits a series of ‘running’ headbutts in the corner. Hydra calls for the Jackknife Powerbomb (ala Kevin Nash), but UMB is outside charming the Plantain. The MG blocks a chokeslam attempt, but can’t do so once the Zombie joins in on the move. Plantain collapses onto the Greyhound and Hydra pins them both to get the duke. This was about as good as one comedy wrestler against two guys in mascot costumes was going to be. Though not indicative of the company’s best work, this is one of those matches that will test whether or not CHIKARA is for you. A kid in the crowd actually sells a high-five from Hydra (who weighs 140… THOUSAND POUNDS) on the way out, so I’m bumping up my rating a bit.
Rating: *
It’s not easy being Vin Gerard
Garoon: Vin Gerard is forced to get ready outside because he’s not allowed in the building. Last month he had to get changed in the lobby. He says that on the night he lost his mask and stopped being Equinox the Colony was there to consol him. But just like he did to Shane Storm, another man who tried to console him post-mask, he’s going to make an example out of Worker Ant.
Berman: Gerard is outside getting ready because he’s not allowed in the locker room. You see Gerard used to wrestle as Equinox, but lost his match in a match to Chris Hero, only to be shamed because he had lied about his heritage. Gerard actually has potential on the mic, but this promo isn’t his best.
Vin Gerard VS. Worker Ant
Garoon: Gerard makes his entrance from the bar, where he’s apparently been sitting all night. Ant makes fun of Gerard’s gimmick. Gerard charges him in response. Ant responds in kind. He hits a monkey flip. Gerard punts the ribs. Ant hits an armdrag. Gerard keeps him from diving to the floor. He hits a kneedrop. He hits a fireman’s carry. He hits a vertical suplex for 2. He tries to take off Ant’s mask but the referee keeps that from happening. He rolls Ant up for 2. He hits a running forearm. He rams Ant’s head into the turnbuckle and hits a running hip check in the corner for 2 with a cocky cover. Ant comes back with an atomic drop. He hits a facebuster and clothesline. He hits a leaping forearm. He hits a tiger flip. He hits a bodyslam. He hits a knee kick in the corner. He puts the Equinox mask on Gerard. Gerard bails to have a temper tantrum so Ant dives out after him. Gerard hits a Stun Gun for 2. Ant gets a backslide for 2. He hits a DDT. He hits an enziguiri for 2. He sets Gerard up top but Gerard fights him off and goes for the STF. Ant quickly gets to the ropes. He hits a powerslam. He misses a running shooting star press. Gerard hits the Rude Awakening. He slams Ant’s head against the mat. He puts on the STF for the win at 8:42. Noxious and Black were unbearable on commentary but the match itself was more than competent. I dig Gerard’s anti-lucha shtick, and Ant’s offense was flashy while still being snug.
Rating: **½
After the match Gerard tries to go to the back but a group of technicos in masks keep him the comfort of the locker room. That’s racist. They console Ant and let him in of course.
Berman: Gerard is announced, and is actually sitting at the bar in a hooded sweatshirt. He’s carrying his old mask to the ring, too. Worker Ant is, of course, a part of The Colony, along with Fire Ant and Soldier Ant. I believe he’s also the only Ant who speaks, though I could be wrong in that regard. The crowd mocking Gerard is picked up by the microphone. Gerard blitzes WA at the bell, but Worker returns the favor when he turns his back. Gerard seems to vacillate between being cocky and being angry. He’s probably be better served picking one or the other, probably being angry. Gerard uses what amounts to a do-it-yourself heel kit here (cocky covers, weak kicks to the face, trash talk, rest holds), but doesn’t really do anything out of the ordinary other than a nice running knee to the face. Worker Ant makes the comeback and the crowd is behind him, and puts the Equinox mask on Gerard, infuriating him. Worker hits a dive to Gerard at ringside, but Gerard makes the comeback with a hotshot onto the top rope back inside. Gerard tries a Rude Awakening, but Worker reverses to a backslide for two. Rotating enziguiri by Worker for two. Gerard eschews a move off the second rope to apply an STF instead, but can’t get it applied and Worker makes the ropes. Gerard gets in the Rude Awakening and then slaps Worker around before slamming his head into the mat a few times. Gerard locks in the STF for real and Worker Ant taps out rather quickly. Well, the fans don’t like Gerard, so at least he’s over as a heel. Pretty basic stuff here, though I think given some time to adjust to life without the mask, and to get some more in-ring experience, Gerard could become a really consistent character for CHIKARA. Worker was solid, but he, like the other Ants, is best in trios action rather than as a single. As Gerard tries to go to the back, various luchadors stare him down and send him heading the other way.
Rating: **¼
Kylie Pierce VS. Sara Del Rey
Garoon: Del Rey hits a dropkick to start. She tosses Pierce across the ring by her hair. She kicks Pierce’s chest. She stands on her shoulders in the corner. She gets a crucifix pin for 2. She hits some hard chops. She hits a back elbow for 2. She stiff Pierce with forearms in the corner. She hits a hair-mare. Pierce fights back with forearms but Del Rey puts her down with a big boot for 2. Pierce puts on an octopus stretch but Del Rey goes to the corner to escape. An awkward moment in the corner and a completely missed axe kick completely drain my interest from this match. Del Rey hits a second attempt at the axe kick. Pierce hits a swinging DDT for 2. Del Rey hits another big boot. She hits the Royal Butterfly for the win at 4:57. Del Rey’s contacts must have been out because her depth perception was screwed up and Pierce looked uncomfortable in her own skin.
Rating: DUD
Berman: I’ve never seen Pierce, but am very familiar with Del Rey from her work in ROH. Kylie gets next to no reaction that I can discern. Sara on the other hand is pretty over. Her using “The Final Countdown” will probably come as something of a mind fuck to ROH fans, but it actually kind of works for her. Larry Sweeney on commentary for this one with Chikarason. Sara dominates from the opening bell. Even the announcers don’t know a lot about Pierce, so now I don’t feel so bad. Sara’s offense is about a hundred thousand times more credible than anyone in the 3-way’s was, but that probably goes without saying. A couple of minutes in, I’m pretty sure Pierce hasn’t hit an offensive move yet. Oops, there’s a kick and an Octopus Stretch, so there you go. Sara powers her into the corner to break. They do an awkward sequence, but Sara just gets pissed and goes to superplex her. Pierce sort-of hits a tornado DDT, but after a big Sara gets the Royal Butterfly and then slams her overhead for the academic pinfall. Sara’s immensely talented, but just didn’t have a lot to work with here. Truth be told, this isn’t even a good outing for her, but you can still tell that she’s light years ahead of Pierce. It wouldn’t work in ROH, but Sara could totally go one-on-one with a lot of the men in CHIKARA, similar to Chyna circa 1999. She’d be great in there with Gerard, actually.
Rating: ½*
Kingston’s Goals for 2008
Garoon: Eddie Kingston liked beating Hallowicked at the end of 2007 and proving he’s the best student to come out of CHIKARA. He wants the tag titles, but he’s forgetting about Shane Storm tonight.
Berman: Kingston gets the promo slot here, and rightly so as he’s one of the best in the business. Nothing out of the ordinary here, just a summary of him having beaten Hallowicked to close out 2007 and that he’s going to keep things going in the new year. He does get in a great line that ‘sleep is the cousin of death’ in noting that he’s not going to look past Storm here. One of my favorite things about Kingston is how he makes every match seem like a big deal, even a mid-card contest on a pre-season show.
Eddie Kingston VS. Shane Storm
Garoon: Kingston has some really lame face paint on. He goes for a kimura to start. He puts on a headlock. Storm counters to the head scissors. Kingston chops him against the ropes. Storm hits a hurricanrana. He hits an armdrag and a forearm for 2. Kingston hits a big boot. He slugs Storm from the apron to the floor. He follows Storm out and slaps his face. He rubs snot and sweat on Storm’s mask. Back in the ring he stomps on Storm for 2. He ties up the arms so Storm has to bridge to keep from getting pinned. That’s a pretty great touch you don’t see too often. Kingston puts on a camel clutch. He punts Storm’s face for 2. Storm blocks a blind charge and slaps Kingston’s face. He gets a sunset flip for 1. Kingston slugs him to the mat. He shoves Storm to the floor and invites a fan to the ring. Storm gets back inside and catches a headbutt. He tosses Kingston to the outside but a horrible looking dive spot leaves him lying on the floor. Back in the ring Kingston gets 2. He hits elbows to the face for 2. Storm hits a DDT. He goes crazy with forearms. He hits a vertical suplex (after calling for the Jackhammer) for 2. He hits a disgusting German suplex for 2. Kingston hits a lariat for 2. He hits a northern lights bomb for 2. He hits a half nelson suplex but Storm pops up and hits an enziguiri. They trade strikes until Kingston goes down to headbutts. Storm hits a spinning kick for 2. He screws up a Shining Wizard but connects with a second attempt. There is blood all over his mask. Kingston hits shots to the back. He hits a backdrop driver. Storm pops up so Kingston hits it again. Storm pops up again so Kingston hits a frightening back fist for the win at 15:07. There sure were a lot of head drops in this match. They stiffed the crap out each other too. I’m not into Storm no-selling the backdrop drivers but I can’t deny that it added the drama to the finish that finally got the crowd excited. Blood comes gushing from the nose holes in Storm’s mask as he struggles to get to the back. They show replays of the more nasty spots from the match.
Rating: ***½
Berman: Kingston’s wearing facepaint here for whatever reason. Kingston controls on the mat to start. Storm hypes up the crowd and gets control of Kingston’s arm, but Kingston gets a hard chop in response. Shane gets in some lucha offense, which is jarring the first time you see it because he doesn’t look the part of a guy who can do that stuff. Kingston regains control with a Yakuza kick and a springboard punch that looks to have broken Shane’s nose. I say it that way because a bunch of blood stains start to show up on Storm’s mask. Kingston wipes some of the blood on his own face in a very in-character move for him. Kingston stays on him on the mat for a bit with slaps and strikes, including a kick right to the face. Storm counters a blind charge into a palm strike and a sunset flip, but can barely get a one count and Kingston takes control again. Kingston takes a bad fall to the outside and possibly tweaks his knee, but Storm crashes and burns in ugly fashion on a dive to ringside. Back inside they exchange strikes, leading to a nice DDT from Storm. Storm works up to, and hits, a Jackhammer, but Kingston kicks out at two. Storm drops Kingston right on his head on a German suplex, but it somehow only gets two. Kingston plows through Storm on a lariat, but it only gets two. A half-nelson suplex hits, but Storm shows fighting spirit (read: no sells) and hits That Japanese Move (his name for the Shining Wizard) for the double KO. They get into a big strike exchange, including a headbutt from Kingston that almost knocks Storm’s mask off. Strom avoids a Saito suplex, but two of That Japanese Move can’t put King away. Storm’s mask is literally dripping blood at this point. Kingston comes back and a pair of Saito suplexes leads to the Backfist to the Future for the pin. The hand Kingston hits the backfist with is covered in blood now, by the way. This was hailed as the most violent match in CHIKARA history, and while I think it’s probably the bloodiest, it’s not quite as violent as some of Kingston’s 2007 matches. Great stuff, though, and a good introduction to Kingston if you’ve never seen him before. Storm’s blood is just all over the place as he heads to the back. We also get replays of some of the match’s most hard-hitting moments. They really did beat the hell out of each other in there.
Rating: ***½
What’s going on with Colin Olsen
Garoon: The Olsens come out for a match. Colin Olsen was just about to leave for ECW, but he’s here tonight and all bandaged up. He’s spent CHIKARA’s off season getting the crap kicked out of him by Shelton Benjamin, Big Daddy V, Mark Henry, Kane and the Great Khali. Chikarason comes out and says that Colin shouldn’t wrestle. He saw the beating he took on ECW on SciFi. Jimmy seems oblivious to the fact that Colin’s been on television. Chikarason is putting Jimmy in a singles match.
Berman: Jimmy would be one half of the Olsen Twins, along with current ECW star Colin Delaney (who appears here, complete with injuries sustained on ECW on Sci-Fi). This may actually have been Colin’s last appearance (even in a non-wrestling role) on the Independent scene before signing an actual WWE deal. He’s the one with the afro. Leonard F. Chikarason comes in the ring and notes that Colin is in no condition to wrestle, prompting Colin to say that he ‘fell down the stairs’. Jimmy is clueless as Colin tries to get Chikarason to shut up about his WWE status. That said, Colin is the same guy who tried to get out of a match with Los Ice Creams by claiming to be lactose intolerant. Sabian comes out to face Jimmy one-on-one.
Jimmy Olsen VS. Sabian
Garoon: They lock up and trade holds. Sabian hits a forearm. They trade headlocks. Sabian hits a shoulder tackle and a snot rocket. Olsen hits an armdrags and dropkicks. Sabian bails so Olsen chases him around the ring. Back inside Sabian hits a drop toehold into the corner. He hits a basement dropkick in the corner. He hits a knee to the gut for 2. He hits the Sweet Angel’s Kiss, which is appropriate since he’s wearing blue already. He chokes Olsen in the corner. Olsen hits a back elbow. Sabian hits a stiff clothesline. He hits a slingshot senton for 2. He throws his gum at the referee. He hits a running forearm and a northern lights suplex for 2. Olsen gets a sunset flip for 2. Sabian hits a back elbow. He chops Olsen around for 2. He puts on a chinlock. Olsen fights out and gets a roll up for 2. He gets another roll up for 2. He gets a small package for 2. He hits a hurricanrana and a double enziguiri. They trade forearms until Olsen puts Sabian down with a clothesline. He hits a back bodydrop. He hits a crossbody in the corner. He hits a double kneedrop off the top. He hits a German suplex for 2. Sabian hits the Complete Shot. He climbs the ropes and hits a big frog splash for 2. Olsen slams Sabian to the mat by his hair. Colin gets on the apron and collides with his brother, leaving an opening for Sabian to hit a double stomp off the top for the win at 10:09. Olsen had some really cool offense and Sabian more than held his own. I really didn’t expect anything out of this but was pleasantly surprised. The finish was really stupid, however.
Rating: ***
Berman: They go back-and-forth until Sabian hits a forearm. Jimmy gets CM Punk’s old backflip out of the corner. Sabian gets cocky, but Jimmy acclimates himself well to singles action and Sabian takes a powder. They’re doing a lot of simple stuff so far, but it’s all hitting cleanly and they look good. Sabian, who’s the de facto rudo, prompts the crowd to clap, and for whatever reason they comply. Sabian does the facewash (the gross kind) in the corner and stays in control with a kick to the midsection and some choking. More clapping from Sabian, though he makes sure to mock Jimmy this time at least. Sabian hits a nice clothesline from the apron and then a slingshot somersault senton back in. Northern Lights suplex for two. Sabian stays in control for a while, leading to a sleeper. Jimmy comes back with a couple of rollups for two and a hurricanrana. He hits a nice double-legged enziguiri as the crowd cheers him on. Jimmy hits a big clothesline and a back body drop. Double knees to the back of a bent-over Sabian leads to a German suplex for two. Sabian hits a Flatliner and a frog splash for two. Jimmy wants Colin’s help, but Sabian pushes one Olsen into the other and Colin splats to the floor at ringside. Sabian takes advantage with a dropkick to Jimmy’s knee and a flying doublestomp to the back of his head for the three count. Sabian thinks about kicking Colin at ringside on his way out, but decides against it. Bryce Remsburg comes over from the commentary table to help Colin to his feet and the Olsens head for the back. Jimmy’s actually pretty good going solo in there, but he works better as a technico, so this turn was a good move. Sabian doesn’t do a whole lot for me in singles action, but this was very solid.
Rating: **¼
Icarus & Gran Akuma VS. Soldier Ant & Fire Ant
Garoon: I think Icarus’s sleeveless ring jacket was designed to be worn without a t-shirt underneath, but I guess they’re new shirts. He and Soldier trade jackets before the match. Fire and Icarus start. They fight over a wristlock. Icarus goes after the ankle. Fire counters to a headlock. Akuma tags in and a whole lot of poorly executed spots occur. Soldier & Fire hit stereo dropkicks. They dive out onto Icarus & Akuma on the floor. Icarus rams Fire’s head into the post. He and Akuma hit the Partial Elimination on Soldier for 2. He kicks Soldier’s chest. He hits a dropkick. Akuma comes back in and works over the leg. He hits a KneeDT. Icarus tags in and they kick Soldier’s back for 2. He pulls on Soldier’s antennae. Akuma props up Soldier in the corner and hits a dropkick. He hits a powerslam. He powerbombs Icarus onto Soldier for 2. He puts on a seated abdominal stretch. Icarus tags in and gets launched to the floor. He follows Icarus out with a suicide dive. Fire works over Akuma in the ring. He hits a fireman’s carry. He hits a vertical suplex. He and Soldier hit a neckbreaker/powerbomb combo for 2. He hits Icarus with a top rope exploder. Akuma does the same to Soldier but Fire hits him with a dropkick to the face. Icarus hits Fire with a second rope lungblower. Soldier hits a swinging gutbuster on Icarus. He and Fire hit a reverse Hart Attack on Akuma for 2. Icarus hits Soldier with a pumphandle powerslam. Akuma hits a moonsault for 2. Icarus hits Fire with a giant spinebuster. Soldier hits him with a German suplex. Akuma hits Soldier with a couple of kicks. Fire hits Akuma with a somersault piledriver (countered from a facebuster attempt) for the win at 11:30. The first half of the match was far from excellent but in the second half they picked up the pace and rocked out scrambled egg style.
Rating: ***
Berman: Icarus & Gran Akuma for F.I.S.T. here, Soldier Ant & Fire Ant for The Colony. I cannot express how much I like Orgy’s “Blue Monday” for F.I.S.T.’s music. They get such great heat, too. Icarus, as usual, talks trash with a bunch of fans on his way to the ring, while Akuma is more focused on the task at hand. In a weird moment, Soldier Ant and Icarus trade ring jackets before the match, and Icarus looks disturbingly Nazi-esque in Soldier’s coat. Either that or like a character in Sin City. Icarus starts with Fire Ant. Nothing of note really happens until Fire runs him over with a shoulderblock and Akuma tags in. Icarus sneaks in a cheapshot and F.I.S.T. goes to work. Things break down for a bit leading to some awkward timing on a double cross-corner whip. The Colony gets in control with some double teams and then hit stereo dives out to ringside. F.I.S.T. regains the advantage on the inside and hit Partial Elimination on Soldier. Icarus continues to work him over and Akuma tags in for some kicks to the leg. Icarus comes in for stereo kicks and then makes the cocky cover. The quick tags from F.I.S.T. continue and Akuma hits a dropkick to Soldier who’s hanging in the corner. Akuma powerbombs Icarus onto Soldier in a move that BJ Whitmer & Jimmy Jacobs used to do. It’s actually a great double team.
Akuma locks in a seated abdominal stretch as the crowd begins to clap for the hot tag. Soldier looks to make the tag, but F.I.S.T. cuts it off again. However, Soldier is able to hit a dive onto Icarus at ringside, which works like a tag in lucha rules and Fire Ant comes in with a high cross body on Akuma. Fire hits a fireman’s carry (of course) and stays in control. Ants Go Marching gets two on Akuma, but Soldier gets booted to ringside and Icarus is left in there with Fire. Fire gets a fireman’s carry off the top, but Akuma cuts off Soldier’s Saluting Headbutt. Akuma dumps him to the mat with a Spider Exploder, but Fire immediately hits a corner-to-corner dropkick on the hanging Akuma. Great spot there. Fire sets up for a back superplex, but Icarus pulls him down with a jumping lungblower. Soldier hits Icarus with a TKO and everyone’s out. The Colony hit a wheelbarrow bulldog into a pin, but Icarus breaks things up at two. He sets up for the Pedigree, but Soldier reverses out. Icarus this a pumphandle powerslam and then Akuma hits a moonsault for two. Icarus slaps Fire, who almost hits the Beach Break, but Icarus reverses to another Pedigree attempt. They trade reversals again leading to a spinebuster. Soldier hits a German suplex but gets destroyed by Akuma. Akuma and Fire trade reversals and Akuma looks for a tombstone piledriver, but Fire reverses to something sort-of resembling a front-flip variation of Delirious’ Chemical Imbalance II for the upset win. Akuma looks more pissed off than hurt afterwards. Icarus talks trash to the camera on the way out. Really good stuff from all four guys here. I’m a big fan of F.I.S.T. as a team, but their most well known match (against the Briscoes from July of 2007) is far from their best work. This is more like it, and was really a great example of what CHIKARA tag matches are like. The reversals were fast and furious towards the end. The moves leading to the four-way knockout spot were especially good.
Rating: ***¼
Larry Sweeney is AMPED!
Garoon: Larry Sweeney is all hyped up to fight Hallowicked tonight. He doesn’t like Hallowicked’s appeal to children or his stem.
Berman: Sweeney gets the promo slot this time because, well, Hallowicked doesn’t talk. Sweeney, who may or may not be on speed, doesn’t like the masked man and he’s going to get his tonight. Twelve Large, brother! I love that Sweeney was wearing a Colt Cabana shirt here. Fun fact: Sweeney and Hallowicked were the guys to have big feuds with Kingston in 2006 and 2007 respectively.
Larry Sweeney VS. Hallowicked
Garoon: They trade holds to start. Hallowicked takes control so Sweeney bails. Back in the ring Sweeney gets a takedown. Hallowicked hits an armdrag so Sweeney bails again. Back in the ring Hallowicked powers Sweeney to the corner. He whips him from one side of the ring to another. He hits a hiptoss. He goes for a big boot but Sweeney bails. Back in the ring Hallowicked hits a head scissors takedown. Sweeney hits a chop block. He hits the KneeDT. He works over the leg in the ropes. He hits a pair of shinbreakers. He slams Hallowicked’s leg against the apron and the post. Back in the ring Sweeney gets 2. Hallowicked hits a catapult into the turnbuckle. Sweeney attacks the throat. He kicks Hallowicked’s leg. He puts on a leglock. Hallowicked escapes the hold. Sweeney kicks the leg again. He puts on a figure 4 leglock. Hallowicked turns it over but Sweeney gets to the ropes. Sweeney kicks the leg again. He goes for another figure 4 but Hallowicked kicks him to the floor and dives out after him. He shoves Sweeney into the post. Back in the ring Hallowicked hits the Kubinage but screws up a roll up. Sweeney goes back to the throat. Hallowicked goes for a big boot but collapses under the weight of his bad knee. Sweeney hits an elbow. He hits a pancake for 2. Hallowicked hurts himself going for another big boot and Sweeney hits a fisherman suplex for 2. Hallowicked hits the Rydeen Bomb for 2. Sweeney gets a roll up with his feet on the ropes for 2. Hallowicked gets a sunset flip for 2. Sweeney hits a neckbreaker. Hallowicked hits a backdrop. He hits the big boot, sells the leg for half a second and then gets the win at 13:32. Sweeney keeps it basic, which means things don’t get too exciting but there’s little room for error. Hallowicked’s selling only existed when he went for the big boot because that led to the finish, but he was able to spring off of that bad leg for every other move.
Rating: **¾
Berman: Sweeney’s wearing a robe for his entrance now, instead of just a boa, thus continuing his (sans workrate) transformation into Ric Flair. In one of those nice nods to continuity (see ‘fun fact’ above), Kingston’s on commentary for this one along with Bryce. Sweeney and Hallowicked trade anklelocks on the mat and Sweeney takes a powder. Sweeney gets control with a modified cloverleaf, but Hallowicked starts to outwrestle him and he bails again. They trade off on trying to get the crowd to cheer for them and it goes about how you’d imagine. Sweeney slaps him in the corner, so Hallowicked responds in kind. Sweeney rolls out to avoid the Yakuza kick and again stalls. Back in, Hallowicked gets a step-up hurricanrana, but Sweeney comes back with a chop block and a DDT. Sweeney works over the knee for a bit, lending further credence to my Flair contention. Hallowicked’s knee gets wrapped around the ringpost and Sweeney gets a two count back in. Hallowicked catches Sweeney coming off the ropes and slingshots him into the corner, but Sweeney regains control and applies a spinning toehold. Choking ensues, as does a trailer hitch deathlock. Hallowicked chops out, but Sweeney immediately kicks him in the leg to cut the comeback short. Figure Four makes me look bizarrely prescient, but Hallowicked turns it over and Sweeney releases. Sweeney ends up on the outside and Hallowicked hits a slingshot cross body, but hurts his knee on the landing. That was pretty stupid. They trade strikes as the referee’s count reaches eight, and then Sweeney gets sent shoulder-first into the post. Back in, Hallowicked gets control and hits the super snapmare, but his rollup doesn’t actually have Sweeney’s shoulders pinned to the mat, so the referee doesn’t count. Good attention to detail there, because most refs would just count regardless.
Hallowicked goes for the Yakuza kick again, but crumbles to the mat mid-move because his leg gives out. That was fantastic. Sweeney hits a couple of forearms and a front suplex but can’t get the pin. Hallowicked goes for a big boot and again the leg gives out on him. Jesus, man, try something else. Fisherman’s suplex gets two for Sweeney. Hallowicked gets a Rydeen Bomb for two, but can’t follow up right away because of the knee. Sweeney gets a rollup with his feet on the ropes, but it only gets two. Sweeney takes time to argue the count and Hallowicked gets a sunset flip for two. Sweeney starts off the ’68 Comeback Special, but Hallowicked back body drops him over. Hallowicked immediately follows up with a Yakuza kick, though he falls to the mat in pain right after hitting the move. Still, he has the wherewithal to get a jackknife cradle for the pin. Really good focus by both men here, with Hallowicked consistently selling the leg the whole way. It wasn’t the most exciting match, and Sweeney’s stalling towards the beginning got a little old, but it’s hard to complain about sound psychology. Hallowicked earns bonus points with me by selling the knee all the way out.
Rating: ***¼
Claudio Castagnoli, Lince Dorado & Ophidian VS. Mike Quackenbush, Tim Donst & Amasis
Garoon: The gimmick here is that the pairings are random. All of the competitors are technicos except for Ophidian & Amasis, who are actually a tag team. Castagnoli and Donst start. They trade holds on the mat. Dorado and Amasis tag into the match. Amasis drops Dorado on his butt. Dorado hits an armdrag and Amasis bails. Ophidian and Quackenbush come into the match. Ophidian gets a crucifix pin for 2. He goes after the leg. Quackenbush counters a Cow Killer variation to a surfboard variation. They do some lucha drags until Quackenbush puts on a half crab. He hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Donst and Dorado come in and Dorado grabs a headlock. He hits armdrags. Donst counters a Sharpshooter to a roll up for 1. He gets a fireman’s carry. Dorado gets a sunset flip for 2. They trade roll ups for 2. They hug it out and tag to Quackenbush and Castagnoli. They knuckle up and Castagnoli pins Quackenbush for 2. Quackenbush hits a fancy armdrag. He hits a monkey flip. Ophidian comes in so Castagnoli tags to Amasis. They both try to tag out but their partners are uncooperative. Ophidian feigns respect and then hits a cheap shot. Amasis hits an armdrag and dances. They trade fancy armdrags. Ophidian hits a head scissors takedown. Amasis gets a roll up for 2. Ophidian gets a victory roll for 2. He hits a cool sunset flip for 2.
Dorado and Quackenbush tag into the match. Quackenbush hits a gutbuster and put son the Koji Clutch. He gets a crucifix pin for 2. He hits another gutbuster and tags to Donst. Donst hits crossface forearms. Quackenbush tags in and hits a senton for 2. Amasis tags in and hits an elbowdrop. He puts on a bearhug. He hits a backbreaker. Donst tags in and stretches the back. Dorado gets to the ropes so Donst puts on a surfboard. Dorado blocks a charge and hits a second rope crossbody. Castagnoli tags in and cleans house. He sends Amasis flying with a European uppercut. Everyone brawls on the floor until Quackenbush dives onto them from the apron. In the ring Ophidian hits Donst with a neckbreaker. He slams the knee into the mat and hits it with headbutts. Castagnoli tags in and slams Donst’s knee into the mat. Dorado tags in and dropkicks the knee. He hits a standing moonsault on the knee for 2. Ophidian tags in and stomps the back of the head. He hits a second rope legdrop on the knee. He puts on a cloverleaf. He hits another legdrop to the knee. Castagnoli tags in and puts on a spinning toehold. He hits a one legged giant swing and puts on a half crab. Dorado tags in and hits a senton on the knee. Ophidian tags in and hits a headbutt to the knee. Donst hits a snap suplex. Quackenbush tags in and hits a clothesline and a facebuster. He hits a leaping elbow. He hits the BTS for 2. Ophidian puts on a Cobra Clutch but Donst makes the save.
Donst hits Castagnoli with the STO for 2. Castagnoli goes back to work on the leg. The commentator points out that it’s the wrong leg. Why would he do that? Amasis tags in and tackles Castagnoli to the floor. Dorado hits Amasis with a reverse suplex. He hits a Superfly Splash for 2. Quackenbush puts Dorado in the CHIKARA Special until Castagnoli makes the save. Castagnoli hits the Match Killer on Quackenbush. He puts Donst in the CHIKARA Special with extra attention to the ankle. Quackenbush makes the save. He hits Castagnoli with a Cactus elbow. Donst rolls Ophidian up for 2. He hits the Gator Roll. Dorado hits him with a missile dropkick. Amasis drives Dorado to the mat. Ophidian hits a big STO on Amasis for 2. Castagnoli sets Quackenbush up top but ends up getting caught with a dragon rana. Castagnoli hits the bicycle kick. Amasis hits him with a crossbody. Castagnoli counters a kick to the Ricola Bomb for the win at 26:28. They did a TON of stuff in this match. The big story out of the match was the leg work on Donst, which did factor into the finish. They could have shaved 8 to 10 minutes off this match and told the same overall story. With less time they probably could have paced this better and put on an outstanding match. As it is it’s just a fairly long, main event worthy match.
Rating: ***¾
Berman: The Osirian Portal gets introduced together despite being on opposing sides here. If you don’t know, Amasis is a pharaoh and Ophidian is a snake. Donst reminds me of early-career Kurt Angle, except he’s a plucky face instead of a douchebag heel. Ok, so maybe he doesn’t remind me of Kurt Angle. Dorado is competing in a CHIKARA ring here for the first time since his horrific injury in late-2007. I’ve seen it, and take my word for it that it’s pretty gross. Claudio is over HUGE here, probably because he’s the biggest star in the promotion at this point. It occurs to me that Claudio would fit in more on his team if he were some sort of animal. Quack’s the tallest guy on his team, though that doesn’t say much. Donst and Claudio start. Donst actually controls on the mat early on, much to my surprise. They go to a stalemate and Amasis and Lince take their turns. Amasis eschews a handshake and forces Lince to the corner on a lockup. They go back and forth with some lucha moves, but no one really hits anything of note. Ophidian and Quack go next. Quack gets the crowd riled up and controls the rookie with a headlock. The snake gets in a leglock, but Quack reverses to an armbar. Ophidian gets Cattle Mutilation, but Quack reverses to one of his own. A multitude of armdrags follows from Quack, leading to a single leg crab. Quack with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker that prompts a tag to Dorado. Donst in for his side. Dorado tries to get the advantage with lucha offense, but Donst gets control when they go to the mat. Dorado gets in a sunset flip for two. They trade some pinfall attempts until they back off in another stalemate.
Quack and Claudio in now, and this should be good. Claudio wins a test of strength, but Quack comes back after a long military press with a couple of armdrags and a monkey flip that sends Claudio out to ringside. The Osirian Portal Explodes as Amasis and Ophidian are in there one-on-one. Ophidian looks to defer to his partner, but chops him unexpectedly and they go into some nice choreographed sequences. Amasis gets in a cool funky version of Undertaker’s rope walk, and the partners exchange some really nice pinfall reversals. Dorado and Quack in again. Gutbuster from Quack into a pretzel submission (we’ll just use that for whenever Quack busts out a nameless, but crazy, hold. Donst in and he works a sleeper. Quack in again and he gets a modified torture rack and a senton. Amasis stomps away and hits an elbowdrop. He locks in a bearhug and then turns it into a gutbuster. Donst in to work a modified bow-and-arrow and then a camel clutch. Donst runs into a boot on a blind charge and Dorado hits a high cross body out of the corner in desperation. Dorado makes the hot tag to Claudio and he runs over Amasis and Donst for a bit. European uppercut puts Amasis on the floor and everyone brawls on the floor where Quack hits a running cannonball from the apron. Ophidian rolls Donst back in and hits a neckbreaker before working the knee over. Claudio tags in and further focuses on Donst’s knee. Dorado hits a standing moonsault onto the knee (intentionally) and Ophidian lands a second-rope legdrop onto it as well. Cloverleaf variation from Ophidian, but Donst won’t give it up. Claudio back in and he gets a one-legged giant swing into a single leg crab. Donst grabs the ropes. Dorado back in for some more knee work and the tags are coming quickly now. Donst counters a suplex from Ophidian into one of his own and makes the hot tag to Quack, who goes to work on the snake with chops.
Black Tornado Slam setup leads to a swinging facebuster instead. Ophidian counters into a Cobra Clutch and Quack looks to be out of it. Donst dives in to break up the hold, so Claudio goes after him. Donst hits an STO for two, but Claudio reverses to a modified single leg crab to work over Donst’s bad knee. Again, Donst makes the ropes. Amasis sends Claudio out and he and Dorado go for a bit. Lince hits a Superfly Splash for two. Quack locks in the CHIKARA Special, but Claudio this him with the Match Killer. Claudio locks in the CHIKARA Special on Donst, working in some extra torque on his bad leg in the process. Quack breaks it up and clotheslines him over the top to the outside. Ophidian goes for the Cobra Clutch on Donst, but can’t lock it in. Dorado hits Donst with a missile dropkick, but gets caught with the MBA from Amasis. Ophidian dumps his partner on his head and they both roll out. Claudio and Quack are left inside and Quack counters out of an attempt at Claudio’s second rope fallaway slam and hits a Dragonrana instead for a very close two count. Claudio sets up for the Ricola Bomb, but Amasis cuts him off with a high cross body for two. Amasis peppers Claudio with punches, but Claudio reverses into a Ricola Bomb for the pinfall. Great showing from everyone here, but this was a particularly star-making turn for Amasis, who looked completely comfortable in there with longtime veterans like Quackenbush and Castagnoli. It was probably a bit too long, with extended heat segments for both sides, but they did keep things pretty interesting even at twenty-five minutes. Not that he actively looked bad, but Quackenbush seemed a step behind his usual frenetic pace, leaving me wondering how much his late-2007 concussion is still affecting him. Very good match here.
Rating: ***¾
Overall
Garoon: The show was shaping up to be a total bust until Kingston decided to kill Storm. From there we were treated to a surprisingly good match from Sabian and Olsen, a fun tag team match and a damn fine main event. For a pre-season show they managed to entertain most of the way though. Fast forward through the women’s match and you’ll enjoy this DVD.
Berman: Though technically a “pre-season” event, CHIKARA put on a lot of fun matches here, especially the main event and Kingston-Storm. The latter is certainly a departure from the usual style of the company, but that only serves to highlight it more. Considering that the next three shows would comprise the massive King of Trios Tournament, this show was definitely a good way to give fans a look at what the company would be featuring in 2008, without overwhelming them with storylines. Not a must-own show or anything, but certainly an easy recommendation. Kingston fans will especially like this one.
Topics: CHIKARA Reviews |